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Robert

Roman

Empire

RED BRICK ALLEY STORIES

The Killards Are Coming

Every damn day in Religion Class, Sister Anna Banana yapped about the Soviets revving up to start a nuclear war with the new president, Ronald Reagan. She said after the cities burned to Holy Hell, there’d be something called “nuclear winter” that would kill all... 

Double-Strength Demon Dogs

Fantastic Freddie was the only altar boy from the Red Brick Alley. He was always consecrating Ritz Crackers and trying to make us eat them like communion wafers. He light-fingered incense from the sacristy, and he blessed water from Old Lady Tully’s spigot...

Laser Loop

I couldn’t see over the tall green school bus seat except when we hit a pothole and I bounced up in the air like a Pop-Tart jumping out of a toaster. Nobody at Saint Augie’s could believe I was allowed to go. My first school picnic ever. I was good from the day I handed in my pink...

The Boy Wonder

How the Hell did Jaggerbush get himself up there? He was clawing his way up into the open window above the Science class door like a real-life gargoyle. The blockhead of a wooden mallet stuck out of the back of his Toughskins where his butt crack was. He wore three...

About The Author

Rob.jpg

Robert Roman grew up in Pittsburgh, PA, where he sold newspapers to cars from a concrete island. Read more→

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Apr 24, 2024

My Own Private Ulysses: Dauntless Dilly Dedalus



She’s on a mission in her shabby dress.               

Back home, her sisters drink soup without her.        

Who’s she, this dauntless Dilly Dedalus?              

She’s a true Dublin Streets Irregular.           

Surly Simon demands she stand up straight,            

And calls his daughters insolent bitches.             

Dilly’s hungry, but she won’t bite the bait,          

From his pockets, herself she enriches.               

With shoulders high and her new French primer,        

She asks sad Stephen if it’s any good.                

Her self-centered sibling’s answer to her:            

He asks about his own books. Yeah, he would.          

He’s as bad a bro as Simon’s a dad.              

She’s far better than them, Dilly’s pretty rad.  

 

 

Stay tuned for more pronoun-stuffed sonnets.

Same Sherlockian time, same Conan channel.

Apr 17, 2024

My Own Private Ulysses: Bloomsday Radio



I feel a cold, old wind fondle my ear,                

Buck’s words I hear, he’s one bad amigo.                    

Atop Martello Tower, he’s all jeer.                    

Tune in, I’m on a Bloomsday Radio.                     

I feel a tightening in my scrotum,                     

And my tally whacker yells tallyho.                    

The Irish Sea is so cold, she shrinks him.            

Turned blue, I’m on a Bloomsday Radio.                

No comprende, why’s it freezing in June?                   

My blood has ebbed. Wait, was that an ice floe?            

Now my California eggplant’s a prune!                 

Tapped out, I’m on a Bloomsday Radio.                 

Next June, I’ll turn the dial to Calypso.             

Or cuddle this cold and just go commando.             

 

 

Stay tuned for more voodoo sonnets.

Same southern time, same border channel.

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